Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
