do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
