If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
