to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
