How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
