Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
