I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
