dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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