dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
