i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
