My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
