careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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