why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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