I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
