My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
