i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
