apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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