She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
