so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
