wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
