This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
