you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What changed your mind?
Being sober
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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