eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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