Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Houston, we have a squirter
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
