Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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