That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
