if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
