Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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