DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
