I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
