It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
