Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
