I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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