I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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