I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry my hands just texted you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
