He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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