Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
