I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
