you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Houston, we have a blender
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My dick has a subreddit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
