the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
