Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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