she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize