Kiss
Puke
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
