I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
