after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
