And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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