Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
