hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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