i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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