the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
