I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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