Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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