I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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