you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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