it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
