You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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