I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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