I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
