I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
