I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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