Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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