she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
