i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
