she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
