You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
