They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
