Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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