My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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