I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize