I feel like abortions should bother me more
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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