Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
