Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
