Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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