we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
