Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
