You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
