Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize