I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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