a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
