nut hugger
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
