My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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