Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
