I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
