I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
