You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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