he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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