Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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