I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My sheets look like a crime scene.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
