I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
