saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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