I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
