Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
