1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize