i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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