You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize