Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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