so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
