C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
