I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
