I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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