I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
