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yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
