Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
