Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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