It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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