We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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