he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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