just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
