apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
