she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
