You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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