Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
