If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
