I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize