I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
