Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
