well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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