what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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