Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
