nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize