PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
