Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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